Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, many of those broken marriages include children. When couples decide to separate, the questions that whirl through parents’ heads seem endless. Here at The Law Offices of Steven Buholz, we specialize in custody cases, providing support, consultation and access to a wealth of custody evaluation resources.As your family begins a new journey in two separate homes, here are 10 tips to help make the divorce transition easier on the entire family.
- Keep an open dialogue with your children.
Children may have questions immediately, then sporadically over time. Keep answers simple, respecting their thoughts & feelings as well as your ex-spouse. Your children are still connected to both of you, and they need to know that you both love them; the divorce isn’t their fault. - Don’t complain about your ex-spouse to your children.
No matter how frustrated you are with your ex, remember that your children are a product of both parents. Resist the urge to put your children in the middle of any fight. - Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
Whether the separation/divorce was mutual or not, children will feel confused if one parent promises a reconciliation. Giving children false hope may only frustrate the entire family. Keep it simple; when you don’t know the answer to a question, be honest: tell them you don’t know. - Establish rules that are identical in both homes.
Work with your ex-spouse on essential rules that will be followed no matter where your children are, like bedtime, no sweets after a certain hour, homework before video games, etc. Consequences should be consistent between each parent as well. - Create a routine for transitioning the children from one parent to another.
With so many changes occurring, consistent routines comfort children, so they know what to expect. Developing a routine before your child leaves your home, like running through a check-list of what to bring, will ease their minds about leaving something important behind. When they return, have an art project or a board-game ready; something they can look forward to doing with you. These routines can make the physical transitions much easier for everyone. - Allow your child to keep a “constant” object with them.
Your children can’t take everything with them between each parent’s home. But a favorite stuffed animal or blanket may be just the constant they need to get them through. - Establish strict policies regarding left-behind objects.
Your child has forgotten their favorite teddy bear at your ex’s house. Your teenager left their book report. How do you decide who is going to bring it or pick it up? Do you even go back for it? These are questions you need to address with your entire family before it happens, then consistently follow through with these policies. - Connect with your child daily.
Never underestimate the power of a parent’s voice. Make the most of the limited time you have with your child. When you aren’t together, letting your child know you are thinking about them by calling or connecting via Skype for as little as 5 minutes can help mend the void they may be feeling. - Keep the lines of communication open with your ex-spouse… and make sure your children are aware of this.
Certain children learn they can play parents against each other early in the divorce process. Allowing this to happen can tear families apart, making the transition even more difficult. Respect your ex’s time with your children, but find ways to stay on the same page. Try checking in with your ex via email once/week to help each other remain consistent with your children’s needs. - When in doubt, seek professional help.
Some children keep feelings inside because they don’t know how to express them. These feelings can be released through the help of a therapist. A family therapist can help you through the transition of divorce as well. Talk to your pediatrician for therapist recommendations that would work well within your family dynamic.
The Law Offices of Steven Buholz can help guide you through each of these transitional divorce tips and so much more.
Give us a call to schedule a consultation today (214) 580-8000, or stop by one of our offices.
Our Dallas county office is located in Churchill Tower, 12400 Coit Road, Suite 670, Dallas, TX 75251
Our Collin county office is located at 5600 Tennyson Pkwy, Plano, TX 75024.
