1. Keep an open dialogue with your children.
   Children may have questions immediately, then sporadically over time. Keep answers simple, respecting their thoughts & feelings as well as your ex-spouse. Your children are still connected to both of you, and they need to know that you both love them; the divorce isn’t their fault.
2. Don’t complain about your ex-spouse to your children.
   No matter how frustrated you are with your ex, remember that your children are a product of both parents. Resist the urge to put your children in the middle of any fight.
3. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
   Whether the separation/divorce was mutual or not, children will feel confused if one parent promises a reconciliation. Giving children false hope may only frustrate the entire family. Keep it simple; when you don’t know the answer to a question, be honest: tell them you don’t know.
4. Establish rules that are identical in both homes.
   Work with your ex-spouse on essential rules that will be followed no matter where your children are, like bedtime, no sweets after a certain hour, homework before video games, etc. Consequences should be consistent between each parent as well.
5. Create a routine for transitioning the children from one parent to another.
   With so many changes occurring, consistent routines comfort children, so they know what to expect. Developing a routine before your child leaves your home, like running through a check-list of what to bring, will ease their minds about leaving something important behind. When they return, have an art project or a board-game ready; something they can look forward to doing with you. These routines can make the physical transitions much easier for everyone.
6. Allow your child to keep a “constant” object with them.
   Your children can’t take everything with them between each parent’s home. But a favorite stuffed animal or blanket may be just the constant they need to get them through.
7. Establish strict policies regarding left-behind objects.
   Your child has forgotten their favorite teddy bear at your ex’s house. Your teenager left their book report. How do you decide who is going to bring it or pick it up? Do you even go back for it? These are questions you need to address with your entire family before it happens, then consistently follow through with these policies.
8. Connect with your child daily.
   Never underestimate the power of a parent’s voice. Make the most of the limited time you have with your child. When you aren’t together, letting your child know you are thinking about them by calling or connecting via Skype for as little as 5 minutes can help mend the void they may be feeling.
9. Keep the lines of communication open with your ex-spouse… and make sure your children are aware of this.
   Certain children learn they can play parents against each other early in the divorce process. Allowing this to happen can tear families apart, making the transition even more difficult. Respect your ex’s time with your children, but find ways to stay on the same page. Try checking in with your ex via email once/week to help each other remain consistent with your children’s needs.
10. When in doubt, seek professional help.
    Some children keep feelings inside because they don’t know how to express them. These feelings can be released through the help of a therapist. A family therapist can help you through the transition of divorce as well. Talk to your pediatrician for therapist recommendations that would work well within your family dynamic.

Telling your children that you are divorcing is the first act you will take as co-parents.  How you handle it will set the pattern for the future. Most importantly, it will show your children how the relationship with and between their parents will be going forward. Below are three key things to keep in mind.

1.)   Both parents should agree on what to say to the children –do NOT give them adult information.  Your children see you only as mom and dad not husband and wife.

2.)   Keep the discussion relatively short with assurance that the children are loved, this is not their fault, and mom and dad are available to them when ever they need them.

3.)   Use words and phrases such as:  We will always be your mom and dad. We will always be YOUR family.  Mom and Dad are separating/divorcing.

Your children will ask things like, “Where will I be living?” Will I have to change schools?” “What about my friends?” “Where will the dog live?” Keeping your answers simple and honest will make it easier for your children to understand and accept.

If happily ever after doesn’t happen, you’ll want to be prepared.

With celebs marrying and then divorcing a few years (or months) later, there has been a lot of buzz about prenuptial agreements. But not only stars get them. “Prenups are increasing for young couples,” says Dallas attorney Steven Buholz. “Ten years ago, 5 percent of my clients wanted them. Today, 30 percent do.” And an American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers poll found that 80 percent of members have seen prenups rise since 2001.

Why the upswing? People are getting hitched later and already have assets. But even if your bank account is modest, a prenup can protect future earnings and ensure you won’t be liable for your spouse’s debts. Plus, it’s not just guys requesting them anymore. “Half my clients seeking prenups are female,” says Katherine Stoner, an attorney in Pacific Grove, California, and coauthor of Prenuptial Agreements. Find out if you should consider one.

Prenups 101

“A prenup is a contract, drawn up before marriage, stating how property and money will be divided in case of divorce or death,” explains NYC attorney Arlene Dubin, author of Prenups for Lovers. In 41 states, assets acquired during marriage will be divided between divorcing spouses as a judge sees fit. But if you have a prenup, it spells out how assets will be divvied up. In the other nine states, property you earn may be split 50-50 unless a prenup states otherwise.

For virtually every state, most assets owned premarriage will remain yours if you keep them in your name, even without a prenup. In 39 states, prenups also can dictate alimony.

You can have special provisions (like a no-fling clause), but “those specifications are often difficult to prove and enforce,” says Dubin. Aside from that, prenups are almost always upheld.

Who Needs One

With nearly half of marriages ending in divorce, you can’t afford not to think about what will happen if you and your husband split. The tricky part is how to bring it up. Paul Coleman, PsyD, author of The 30 Secrets of Happily Married Couples, suggests saying: “Hopefully, we won’t need to use it, but I think it’s smart to get a prenup to protect ourselves. I’m not worried we’ll break up; I’m just being realistic.” And if he asks for one, try not to freak. “Discussing money early strengthens your bond,” says Coleman.

How to Get It

“The prenup should be finalized at least a month before you marry, so start planning six months ahead,” notes Stoner. You’ll each need a lawyer with prenup experience. Get a recommendation or search on martindale.com, which publishes peer-review ratings of attorneys. Having the document drawn up will cost between several hundred and several thousand dollars per lawyer, depending on how specific it is, but if you plan to work hard to build a sweet life for yourself, it may be worth it.